hello again..
Aug. 20th, 2023 01:10 pmA lot has happened since our last post, and it is difficult to even attempt to summarize as result of poor memory and significant traumas, albeit not traumas much caused by anyone other then ourselves.
We may end up posting here much more often, in attempt to practice our writing and general skills.. might being emphasized, given our past difficulties.
Wonder if theres any potential for a dreamwidth desktop app.. would make doing this a bit easier, but unlikely we know.
..
Nontheless we will try.
thank you for reading , good luck, take care <3
- Lins
We may end up posting here much more often, in attempt to practice our writing and general skills.. might being emphasized, given our past difficulties.
Wonder if theres any potential for a dreamwidth desktop app.. would make doing this a bit easier, but unlikely we know.
..
Nontheless we will try.
thank you for reading , good luck, take care <3
- Lins
Personal Trauma + triggers backround
Jul. 4th, 2023 11:40 pmParents couldnt and/or wouldnt ever have much if any emotional responses other then anger or neutrality. Occaisional rewards of words or things, hardly came with emotion in equal measure.
This, combined with significant traumas of plurality and transness being gaslit out of me/us constantly,a similar reaction to us coming out as atheist, and being consistently forced to be around those who did these things.
+ a near total lack of social supports,
And a severe fear of harming others
Means that when we end up in a situation, where there is no action or emotional response to something we say or do by people around/seeing it, we end up as if blind. Trapped in a catch 22 where evwry choice feels like it will harm, and, in addition, we forget much of past interactions due to stress..
Hence results a panic state where we rrach more and more desperately for connection.
However, any display of emotion, be it caring or critical, tends to break this state of blindness, of immobility.
And usually, despite my parents and family, healthy people display emotioj in their faces and actions. Not to mention this reaction is never delayed; theres never question as to if i am heard.
Which means, outside of text on the internet, this sort of panic state is absurdly rare-and when it occurs its only due to a mistake by someone else.
But on the internet, with text,
We are vulnerable..
This, combined with significant traumas of plurality and transness being gaslit out of me/us constantly,a similar reaction to us coming out as atheist, and being consistently forced to be around those who did these things.
+ a near total lack of social supports,
And a severe fear of harming others
Means that when we end up in a situation, where there is no action or emotional response to something we say or do by people around/seeing it, we end up as if blind. Trapped in a catch 22 where evwry choice feels like it will harm, and, in addition, we forget much of past interactions due to stress..
Hence results a panic state where we rrach more and more desperately for connection.
However, any display of emotion, be it caring or critical, tends to break this state of blindness, of immobility.
And usually, despite my parents and family, healthy people display emotioj in their faces and actions. Not to mention this reaction is never delayed; theres never question as to if i am heard.
Which means, outside of text on the internet, this sort of panic state is absurdly rare-and when it occurs its only due to a mistake by someone else.
But on the internet, with text,
We are vulnerable..
Star Wars Andor; A Rephrasing
Jun. 27th, 2023 04:21 pmChanged words in [brackets], three dots '...' for left out words.
Edits by,
Lins/Lind (They/them/theirs)
Otherwise directly transcribed from: Star Wars Andor, Season One.
Intended to frame the shows presumed intended messaging in my opinon (off interviews and surrounding context) more directly to the present world, to help others hear that message if rewatching the show.
(*Please* actually watch it yourself first!)
__________________________________________________
Andor; A Rephrasing
Part 1
One Way Out
"...We [the people] are, at this moment, in control of [the country]...
...How long we hang on, and how far we get, how many of us [survive] is now, up to us...
Wherever you are. Right now. Get up. Stop the work. Get out of your cells. Take CHARGE.
And start climbing [and fighting]. They dont have enough guards [and police] and they know it. If we wait until they figure that out, it'll be too late. We will never have a better chance then this, and I'd rather die trying to take them down then give them what they want.
We know that they are making up our sentences [and wages] as they go along..
And we know that when they say we are being released, we are being transferred to some other prison, [retirement facility, hospital, suburban sprawl..]
To go and die. And that ends today.
There is one way out.
Right now. The [country] is ours.
Need to run, climb, kill [if absolutely neccesary]!
We need to help eachother..
If you see someone whos confused, someone whos lost. You get them moving and you keep them moving until we Put. This. Place. Behind us.
There are [millions] of us. And if we fight *half as hard* as weve been working. Well be [happy] in no time.
One way out. One way out.
One. Way. Out.
...
...
...
Part 2
Manifesto
...
There will be times when the struggle seems impossible. [We] know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy.
Remember this.
Freedom, is a *pure* idea.
It occurs spontaneously, and without instruction.
Random acts of insurrection are occuring constantly throughout the [world]. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea theyve already enlisted in the cause.
Remember that the frontier of the rebellion is everywhere.
And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.
And then remember this. The [u.s] imperial need for control is so desperate because its so unnatural. Tyrrany requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle.
Oppression is the mask of fear.
Remember that.
And know this; the day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the [american] empires authority and ther will be one, too, many.
One single thing will break the siege.
Remember this.
Try.
...
...
...
Part 3
I'd wake up early
I've always wanted to be lifted. I was always waiting, always eager to be inspired.
I remember.. time[s] it happened... time[s] the dead, lifted me. With their truth.
And [I was] dead [too].
And now I yearn to lift you.
Not because I want to shine, or, even be remembered.
Its because I want you to go on. I want [my homes] to continue. In my [worst] hours, thats what comforts me most.
But I fear for you.
We've been sleeping.
I've been sleeping!
We've had eachother and [our homes].
Our work, our days.
We've had eachother and [ceos, debtors, billionaires, fascists, police..] left us alone.
We've [kept working] and they've left us alone.
We took their money and ignored them.
We kept [capitalism] churning and the moment they [let us leave] we forgot them.
Because we had eachother.
We had home.
But we were sleeping.
I've been sleeping.
And I've been turning away from the truth I wanted not to face.
There is a wound that won't heal; at the center of the [world].
There is a darkness reaching like rust, into everything.
Into everything.
Around us.
We let it grow and now its here.
Its here and its not visting anymore.
It wants to stay.
The [American] Empire is a disease that *thrives* in darkness, it is never more alive then when we sleep.
Its easy for the dead to tell you to fight.
And maybe its true.. maybe fightings useless..
Perhaps its too late
..
But I'll tell you this.
If I could do it again.
I'd wake up *early*.
And be fighting.
These. Bastards!
From the start!
FIGHT THE EMPIRE!
______
Comments:
As per the book 'American Empire' , america (as in the united states, though arguably canada and most of europe too) is an empire. It has bases of control in the hundreds throughout the world.
In addition, the u.s was explicitly the empire in the original star wars, which as per George Lucas was meant largly as an allegory for the vietnam war- the rebels were in part the vietcong.
The 'one way out speech' as transcribed is meant to appeal to 'free' citizens, but it should be noted it and that part of the series holds even more significance to the existing prison industrial complex-
Particularly that no one outside of it can truly know what happens inside it.
In some ways, the prison in Andor is *better* then existing ones- its food is at least consistent, and its cells clean.
Nemiks manifesto hardly needs any rephrasing at all, save of locations. Its quite apt.
The eulogy is perhaps a bit calous to rephrase for this purpose, but I feel its message too important to leave out.
And besides, I have in a sense died even scientifically many times depending on interpretation of plurality..
Ive often morned past selves.
Finally of course, many of the behind the scenes interviews reinforce this framing heavily.
Edits by,
Lins/Lind (They/them/theirs)
Otherwise directly transcribed from: Star Wars Andor, Season One.
Intended to frame the shows presumed intended messaging in my opinon (off interviews and surrounding context) more directly to the present world, to help others hear that message if rewatching the show.
(*Please* actually watch it yourself first!)
__________________________________________________
Andor; A Rephrasing
Part 1
One Way Out
"...We [the people] are, at this moment, in control of [the country]...
...How long we hang on, and how far we get, how many of us [survive] is now, up to us...
Wherever you are. Right now. Get up. Stop the work. Get out of your cells. Take CHARGE.
And start climbing [and fighting]. They dont have enough guards [and police] and they know it. If we wait until they figure that out, it'll be too late. We will never have a better chance then this, and I'd rather die trying to take them down then give them what they want.
We know that they are making up our sentences [and wages] as they go along..
And we know that when they say we are being released, we are being transferred to some other prison, [retirement facility, hospital, suburban sprawl..]
To go and die. And that ends today.
There is one way out.
Right now. The [country] is ours.
Need to run, climb, kill [if absolutely neccesary]!
We need to help eachother..
If you see someone whos confused, someone whos lost. You get them moving and you keep them moving until we Put. This. Place. Behind us.
There are [millions] of us. And if we fight *half as hard* as weve been working. Well be [happy] in no time.
One way out. One way out.
One. Way. Out.
...
...
...
Part 2
Manifesto
...
There will be times when the struggle seems impossible. [We] know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy.
Remember this.
Freedom, is a *pure* idea.
It occurs spontaneously, and without instruction.
Random acts of insurrection are occuring constantly throughout the [world]. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea theyve already enlisted in the cause.
Remember that the frontier of the rebellion is everywhere.
And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.
And then remember this. The [u.s] imperial need for control is so desperate because its so unnatural. Tyrrany requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle.
Oppression is the mask of fear.
Remember that.
And know this; the day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the [american] empires authority and ther will be one, too, many.
One single thing will break the siege.
Remember this.
Try.
...
...
...
Part 3
I'd wake up early
I've always wanted to be lifted. I was always waiting, always eager to be inspired.
I remember.. time[s] it happened... time[s] the dead, lifted me. With their truth.
And [I was] dead [too].
And now I yearn to lift you.
Not because I want to shine, or, even be remembered.
Its because I want you to go on. I want [my homes] to continue. In my [worst] hours, thats what comforts me most.
But I fear for you.
We've been sleeping.
I've been sleeping!
We've had eachother and [our homes].
Our work, our days.
We've had eachother and [ceos, debtors, billionaires, fascists, police..] left us alone.
We've [kept working] and they've left us alone.
We took their money and ignored them.
We kept [capitalism] churning and the moment they [let us leave] we forgot them.
Because we had eachother.
We had home.
But we were sleeping.
I've been sleeping.
And I've been turning away from the truth I wanted not to face.
There is a wound that won't heal; at the center of the [world].
There is a darkness reaching like rust, into everything.
Into everything.
Around us.
We let it grow and now its here.
Its here and its not visting anymore.
It wants to stay.
The [American] Empire is a disease that *thrives* in darkness, it is never more alive then when we sleep.
Its easy for the dead to tell you to fight.
And maybe its true.. maybe fightings useless..
Perhaps its too late
..
But I'll tell you this.
If I could do it again.
I'd wake up *early*.
And be fighting.
These. Bastards!
From the start!
FIGHT THE EMPIRE!
______
Comments:
As per the book 'American Empire' , america (as in the united states, though arguably canada and most of europe too) is an empire. It has bases of control in the hundreds throughout the world.
In addition, the u.s was explicitly the empire in the original star wars, which as per George Lucas was meant largly as an allegory for the vietnam war- the rebels were in part the vietcong.
The 'one way out speech' as transcribed is meant to appeal to 'free' citizens, but it should be noted it and that part of the series holds even more significance to the existing prison industrial complex-
Particularly that no one outside of it can truly know what happens inside it.
In some ways, the prison in Andor is *better* then existing ones- its food is at least consistent, and its cells clean.
Nemiks manifesto hardly needs any rephrasing at all, save of locations. Its quite apt.
The eulogy is perhaps a bit calous to rephrase for this purpose, but I feel its message too important to leave out.
And besides, I have in a sense died even scientifically many times depending on interpretation of plurality..
Ive often morned past selves.
Finally of course, many of the behind the scenes interviews reinforce this framing heavily.
Halfway through a book..
May. 20th, 2023 04:06 pmHalfway through Columbus and Other Cannibals.
Apparently been a rallying point for many, and so glad to have found it.
Really short book- been maybe an hour and a half. We will likely finish today but..
Extremely eye opening. We realized some of it. But learning much.
And above everything it has given us a name for the soul-disease which we fight in ourselves and in society.
Wétiko
Or.. a form of cannibalism.
Recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Apparently been a rallying point for many, and so glad to have found it.
Really short book- been maybe an hour and a half. We will likely finish today but..
Extremely eye opening. We realized some of it. But learning much.
And above everything it has given us a name for the soul-disease which we fight in ourselves and in society.
Wétiko
Or.. a form of cannibalism.
Recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Scar(r)ed , Improv Poem
May. 16th, 2023 07:37 pmSad and afraid
scarred right side
lost on the other
self breakin down
dying with no lovers
no lovers,
no friends,
no in person
aquaintensn'd's
to sit beside
and guide
us to a new end
Nor see a new start
to art
to a life not apart
we break
and we heal
with those we see
in this brick
brick of obsidian,
too sharp to lick
lick with our tongues
of words and songs
deeper,
deeper is needed
then words
then sound
words and songs,
with perfornance
with feel
with heat of breath,
upon eachother to heal
heal the pains of societies whims
of heirarchies unjust,
and whips upon backs
breaking down fire, hopes, lusts
We are afraid,
alone,
breaking
but we see hope
in that others can see,
this written
scarred right side
lost on the other
self breakin down
dying with no lovers
no lovers,
no friends,
no in person
aquaintensn'd's
to sit beside
and guide
us to a new end
Nor see a new start
to art
to a life not apart
we break
and we heal
with those we see
in this brick
brick of obsidian,
too sharp to lick
lick with our tongues
of words and songs
deeper,
deeper is needed
then words
then sound
words and songs,
with perfornance
with feel
with heat of breath,
upon eachother to heal
heal the pains of societies whims
of heirarchies unjust,
and whips upon backs
breaking down fire, hopes, lusts
We are afraid,
alone,
breaking
but we see hope
in that others can see,
this written
Our skin and plural boundaries
May. 12th, 2023 11:52 amOur skin.
We have rubbery, more detached skin, due to some minor form of ehlers danlos or such.
It make sus more resiliient to light pain and sensations, and can be pulled up more easily. Even supportive contact needs higher intensity to feel something. Visualizing it, we feel like a torrent of emotion within a shell of skin.
And we inhabit it; Our plurality, our self, is not detached from our body as much.
So... As inside outside.
Part of the reason we have difficulty with boundaries,
Is we *literally have one*. Our skin is a literal boundary between us and the world around us , but a world that we know- it doesnt block sensation completely.
Without good friwnds or partners able to push past and be more intimate, or physical spiritual support,
the result is that our parents alone vannot and maybe could never have been enough.
We have been constantly tempted with the idea of having people come through this 'skin shell' , and never been able to do so.
So much is this the case, our skin almost feels more like a seperate self then any other part or self of us internally. Like a physical, almist symbiotic organism whos emotions we can feel and are our own,
but also are not.
This.. feels , significant.
If ehlers danlos (or whatever it is we have) can interact with plurality in this way, interact with mental health in this way.
what else can?
We have rubbery, more detached skin, due to some minor form of ehlers danlos or such.
It make sus more resiliient to light pain and sensations, and can be pulled up more easily. Even supportive contact needs higher intensity to feel something. Visualizing it, we feel like a torrent of emotion within a shell of skin.
And we inhabit it; Our plurality, our self, is not detached from our body as much.
So... As inside outside.
Part of the reason we have difficulty with boundaries,
Is we *literally have one*. Our skin is a literal boundary between us and the world around us , but a world that we know- it doesnt block sensation completely.
Without good friwnds or partners able to push past and be more intimate, or physical spiritual support,
the result is that our parents alone vannot and maybe could never have been enough.
We have been constantly tempted with the idea of having people come through this 'skin shell' , and never been able to do so.
So much is this the case, our skin almost feels more like a seperate self then any other part or self of us internally. Like a physical, almist symbiotic organism whos emotions we can feel and are our own,
but also are not.
This.. feels , significant.
If ehlers danlos (or whatever it is we have) can interact with plurality in this way, interact with mental health in this way.
what else can?