Personal Trauma + triggers backround
Jul. 4th, 2023 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lindsworldtreeParents couldnt and/or wouldnt ever have much if any emotional responses other then anger or neutrality. Occaisional rewards of words or things, hardly came with emotion in equal measure.
This, combined with significant traumas of plurality and transness being gaslit out of me/us constantly,a similar reaction to us coming out as atheist, and being consistently forced to be around those who did these things.
+ a near total lack of social supports,
And a severe fear of harming others
Means that when we end up in a situation, where there is no action or emotional response to something we say or do by people around/seeing it, we end up as if blind. Trapped in a catch 22 where evwry choice feels like it will harm, and, in addition, we forget much of past interactions due to stress..
Hence results a panic state where we rrach more and more desperately for connection.
However, any display of emotion, be it caring or critical, tends to break this state of blindness, of immobility.
And usually, despite my parents and family, healthy people display emotioj in their faces and actions. Not to mention this reaction is never delayed; theres never question as to if i am heard.
Which means, outside of text on the internet, this sort of panic state is absurdly rare-and when it occurs its only due to a mistake by someone else.
But on the internet, with text,
We are vulnerable..
This, combined with significant traumas of plurality and transness being gaslit out of me/us constantly,a similar reaction to us coming out as atheist, and being consistently forced to be around those who did these things.
+ a near total lack of social supports,
And a severe fear of harming others
Means that when we end up in a situation, where there is no action or emotional response to something we say or do by people around/seeing it, we end up as if blind. Trapped in a catch 22 where evwry choice feels like it will harm, and, in addition, we forget much of past interactions due to stress..
Hence results a panic state where we rrach more and more desperately for connection.
However, any display of emotion, be it caring or critical, tends to break this state of blindness, of immobility.
And usually, despite my parents and family, healthy people display emotioj in their faces and actions. Not to mention this reaction is never delayed; theres never question as to if i am heard.
Which means, outside of text on the internet, this sort of panic state is absurdly rare-and when it occurs its only due to a mistake by someone else.
But on the internet, with text,
We are vulnerable..